The whole world is hoarding toilet paper for no good reason. Porn.com now demonstrates with an online calculator how many rolls you need to survive a lockdown. A satirical yet rational service for the general public.
By setting up its own, surprisingly detailed online calculator for the demand for toilet paper, porn company Porn.com is currently trying to give people a more realistic idea of how much toilet paper is really needed and how long a normal pack will last.
A spokesperson for Porn.com comments on the calculator: »The new and enhanced Toilet Paper Calculator is available now and was designed to be a more accurate measure accounting for all of our sticky habits in these more stressful times.«
Useful service in stressful times
After all, according to the company, toilet paper is not only used for the bathroom but often also following masturbation. »Suddenly, the harsh truth settled in and because the scientific community had ignored the ever-important jizz quotient, something had to be done! Immediately, the team’s ‘Sexy Super Science Division’ jumped into action to run the numbers to calculate for this missing variable! We’ve had our top men on this one. By harnessing the power of math, and using a little elbow grease, our crack team of researchers has been working hard to crack out real results.«
To determine their own needs, users can enter various data into the calculator. These data points include the existing rolls in the household, the frequency of toilet visits and daily wanking behavior. Those who want to calculate it more accurately can even enter how many sheets they normally use, how many sheets are on each toilet roll and how often they usually wipe and rewipe. From all these data the calculator then calculates how long the current stock or any given number of rolls will last.
The impact of cum
Porn.com comments: »We measured the volume of what our experts are calling ‘NUT’ that’s produced in each test. In the end, we can see just how much splooge it will take to break society. As store shelves that were once lined with toilet paper now lay barren, the public can take solace that with the help of Porn.com, they can more accurately measure the impact of cum and the true toilet paper inventory remaining for these periods of isolation.«
Perhaps the online company’s clever joke will help to curb the worldwide hoarding behavior when buying toilet paper. If someone were now to calculate the maximum number of pasta needed and how quickly it would be re-produced, perhaps we could all walk around the supermarkets a little more relaxed. xHamster, how about it?
You can find the calculator from Porn.com here.