Vatican Showdown on Adult Industry

Church's Moral Quandary Unfolds Amidst Sensual Controversy

pope against porn

Here’s the latest dispatch from Vatican City, our fervent leader, Pope Francis did some spring cleaning on the moral high ground this week. This time around, His Holiness addresses the adult industry, bringing out the big guns against a sector that I affectionately root for.

Pope: Stop watching porn!

Pope Francis, seasoned in the art of hymn and verse, crafts an elegant sermon equating sexual pleasure to a “divine gift,” which, in his words, “is being undermined by pornography.”

The Pontificate’s tirade unfolded in the backdrop of a book, authored no less by the head of Church doctrine, Cardinal Victor Manuel Fernandez. This juicy tome, strewn with explicit depictions of the female orgasm, caused quite a stir amongst conservatives. What made the scandal more palatable? It was written by a man who was supposedly as celibate as a dry martini.

Cardinal Fernandez, the new centerfold of Vatican controversy, wasn’t shy to share his thoughts on erotica either. According to him, women could be just as challenged by explicit content as men are. Well, isn’t that a revelation!

In case you hadn’t noticed, Pope Francis has been on a roll in recent years, blatantly supporting queer activism and even updating churchly doctrines, slightly nudging them towards liberal leniency. This overhaul was aided and abetted by none other than our scandal-ridden Cardinal. Many raised eyebrows and more than a few gasps, but Pope Francis seems to have sacrificed his personal ‘burn in hell’ points just to shake things up.

Preserving his conservative core, His Holiness keeps a tight leash on pornography – even within the Vatican – arguing that erotic content burdens not only laypeople but also priests and nuns. His solution? Delete those naughty apps and websites from phones, cleanse them of all temptation.

Pope Francis warns, “The devil enters from there. He weakens the priestly heart.” Now there’s a thought! But getting the Devil involved is no small feat, considering the Pope’s Instagram page managed to ‘like’ a racy post of bikini-clad model Natalia Garibotto back in 2020.

So, sex-positive soldiers, don’t be disheartened. The Pope may have stirred the pot, but too spicy a broth would hardly be palatable. Let’s keep advocating for ethical, consensual adult content and show the world that ‘sin‘ isn’t always a four-letter word.

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