The internet is a lot of things: a marketplace, a source of information, a pharmacy, a dating pool, a debate club, a playground and an infinite source of porn. All this tells us a lot about mankind. Some of it good, some of it bad, some of it interesting, some of it more on the weird side of things. Today’s deep dive into the web brought us something quite extraordinary: Lego porn. Yes, my friends, that exists too.
You might have encountered things like Food porn or Porn for Booklovers which are wonderful collections of breathtakingly beautiful pictures of food or books. (SFW: books and food). That’s not what is meant by Lego Porn. It doesn’t show extremely creative creations by Lego aficionados. Or in a way: it does, but it’s quite literally porn, done with Lego Minifigures, in stop-motion movies showing them doing all kind of things normally reserved for humans.
And apparently, Lego porn is a thing. There is a complete album with examples of Lego porn on Imgur. NSFW: Here. It showcases all kinds of scenes, setups and artwork inspired by Lego and featuring real Lego Minifigures in explicit situations. There are also Reddit discussion about how to create Lego porn.
If vanilla porn is not your thing Lego porn might still have something to offer. There is a complete Reddit forum dedicated to BDSM scenarios with Lego. There is even a very professional trailer for a 50 Shades of Grey parody with Lego Minifigures:
Stop-motion films with Lego Minifigures can be very amusing. But for some people, they might also be very arousing (while probably also being funny). One of the oldest videos of that category was uploaded on YouTube in 2007. It is a porn parody of a typical porn scene from the 70s.
Even Pornhub is in on it. A movie called »French Anal Lego Sluts 7« can be accessed on the tube site. It is quite elaborate and clay has been used to create genitals for the Minifigures so this video is rather explicit. and fun to watch. But be warned, your childhood memories might get hurt a little bit.
Granted most of the Lego porn might be created with the intent to parody porn. But that much love for detail can never be achieved without a certain appreciation of the fetish in itself.
Investigative journalists from Vice tried to get a comment on the phenomenon by the famous Danish toymaker. A spokesperson for Lego answered them rather humorless and prudish: »Thanks for reaching out to us. We have nothing to contribute within this context as it is not related to us or our focus as a company in any way.«
Lego porn enthusiasts don’t need to feel ashamed though. In 2016 Lego spokesperson Emma Owen said in an interview:
»Every day we see fans building and creating all sorts of projects with LEGO® products. And sometimes, they create something that we ourselves would never do, after all, we are a toy brand for children. But that is what LEGO play is all about: That everyone can build anything they can imagine.«
Porn should be covered then.
Previous episodes of the Venus Encyclopedia of Weird Sex Stuff:
Rubgrub
Did not know that this was a thing – I can add this information: a Lego Porn was made by the danish comedy TV station TV2 Zulu and their comedy show Nørgaards Netfix – you can find the link here: https://www.4ushop.dk/blog/artikel/findes-lego-porno-virkelig.html
The speak is in danish – but here is the plot – as in many classic porn movies the girl is feeling a little bit hungry, so she orders a pizza – when the delivery guy shows up she can’t pay, so it ends up in another form for payment – will not reveal everything but something unexpected happens along the way – of course the movie end with the “money shot”.
Remember this was made for comedy and is not meant to be porn. So go ahead and have a laugh.