The online magazine Kinkly.com has written about one of the big taboos in relationships: fake orgasms. A survey of the magazine’s readers showed that 80 percent of those surveyed had already faked an orgasm. Even if the reasons may be manifold, this is an urgent reminder for more conversations about sex: in partnership and in society.
Kinkly has published the results of a study called »Faking It: Why We Fake Orgasms«, which deals with the faking of orgasms during sexual intercourse. 1,232 readers of the site were asked if and why they pretended to have orgasms. 80% said they have done it before.
Fortunately, Kinkly also wanted to know under what circumstances and why people fake orgasms. Tara Struyk, co-founder and editor-in-chief of Kinkly says: »Two things really stood out. First, people told us they were most likely to fake an orgasm with a long-term partner. We really expected it to be the other way around, but respondents were brutally honest about why they faked orgasms with people they knew well.«
Struyk continues: »That was the other part that surprised us. How beautifully honest people were about the reasons they faked their orgasms, how their partners responded and how all that made them feel. Orgasm is one of those things that people should communicate about, but our results suggest that that often isn’t happening, or isn’t happening in a functional, healthy way.«
The majority of the respondents were women, which also has to do with the overall readership of Kinkly Magazine. 62% of the respondents were female, 36% male. Only 2% claimed to be transgender. As expected, women were in the majority when it comes to pretending orgasms. A whopping 87% said they had faked an orgasm at least once in their life. However, men are also great actors. 69% of men said that they had faked an orgasm at least once in their lives.
The most common reason is the most obvious. Most people said that they faked their orgasm because they didn’t want to give their partner a bad feeling about their performance in bed. The second most common reason is also not particularly far-fetched: the person has lost interest and wants sexual intercourse and lovemaking to end. The third most frequent reason given was that they wanted to strengthen their partner’s ego and reward their efforts. This was followed by the somewhat more complex reason given by society: »I was sexually satisfied, but did it because I felt it was ‘expected’ to end the encounter.«
Many people react angrily or hurt when they learn that their partner has faked an orgasm. But there is a reason for hope, as the increasing prevalence of sex toys and widespread access to pornography and sexual information gives people more confidence to talk about these things.
Struyk says: »We’re seeing way more acceptance of masturbation, sexual exploration and orgasm as healthy parts of being human. I think when we gain the language and permission to talk about those things openly, it goes a long way toward solving the problems that happen between couples when it comes to sexual pleasure. At the very least, helping people explore pleasure on their own empowers them to seek out that satisfaction in their relationships with others.«
More information can be found on the Kinkly Magazine website.